Low-income, foreign gf (f28) of two years wants to move in with me (m34) and I am freaking out. I feel like my options are either dumping her or moving in together.

2022.01.19 04:47 dumpormovein Low-income, foreign gf (f28) of two years wants to move in with me (m34) and I am freaking out. I feel like my options are either dumping her or moving in together.

TL;DR - Worried about having my girlfriend move in with me because I freaked out when she asked to and have long-term reservations about our future. I feel like I have to either dump her or let her move in. We love each other and are both flawed individuals.
Me: 34m, high earning individual (hedge fund life) from a high earning family, fairly laid back, lazy, alcoholic asshole, chaotic neutral, messy, hoarder, hedonist, frugal. Never lived with a significant other. Been a decade since I had roommates.
Her: 28f who is basically a golden retriever. She is a kind, brilliant, gorgeous, genuinely good person, graduate Ph.D. student, from Venezuela, makes $18k a year, sends $6k a year home to family members (her parents, combined, make like $400 a month). Former Olympic athlete. Lawful good. Mildly physically abusive, mildly autistic. Easily overwhelmed. Any and every decision is painful for her to make and is painful to me for how long it takes her to make it. She needs to research everything exhaustively before she can make a decision or opinion on anything.
I love her, but I do not think that she would not make a good life partner. We have been dating for almost two years, and, during the first year, dating her was amazing. She was hands down the best thing to happen to me during the COVID lockdowns. I would have been miserable without her. We started out as casual, nonexclusive, fuckbuddies, and somehow have become monogamous/exclusive since neither of us is looking elsewhere. Neither of us was looking for a relationship, but here we are. This is my first monogamous relationship since high school.
She is my best friend, my favorite person, and I am happier around her. We almost only fight when I am an asshole and start a fight.
That said, over the last year, I started to realize how different we are. I am very extroverted and love to party while she is introverted, very socially anxious, and doesn't even eat processed sugars if she can avoid them. I am rational/realistic and she is idealistic/romantic. In any social situation, she refuses to interact with other people or leave my side. She has had dinner with my parents and siblings over fifty times, but still is terrified of them and will not speak unless directly asked a question. Then she gives the shortest answer she can. At parties or social interactions, her awkwardness embarrasses me and sometimes leads to me resenting her. I try not to be embarrassed by her or resent her, but I do.
I also have noticed that we mostly only ever do what she wants, how she wants, when she wants. 98% of the time this is not a big deal, but the 2% of the time I want to do something else (like not listen to the same song for the seventh time in a row), it is always a big deal. She doesn't fight, she just gets overwhelmed and cries, then I feel like an asshole. I go out of my way to do what she wants to avoid the waterworks. I have to stress, she is not doing it on purpose or trying to be manipulative, just when things are not the way they "should be" she starts crying.
Finally, we both want to have kids but she is not an affectionate person. Like she barely pets/interacts with animals or any baby we have come across. I would not want to bring children into the world with her as the mother as I am afraid her lack of affection would stunt our children. I am also afraid of the increased likelihood that our children would also have autism. Finally, both she and her folks have a lot of genetic health issues which are worrisome.
Starting in June, she started pressing me to move the relationship along. Over the past six months, she dropped the L bomb and started pressuring me to fly to Venezuela to meet her family, learn Spanish, and let her move in with me. She has made it clear that if we get married, her parents will move in with us and I will be expected to send money to her poverty-stricken relatives back home. Simultaneously, she has increased her dependency on me to do basic things for her.
Her lease is up at the end of March and I feel like I have to agree to let her move in with me or dump her. I do not want to do either. If I let her move in with me, there will be a crazy power imbalance over it being my house and the income differential. My life would revolve around her, and I fear that I will resent her for feeling like a burden. Long-term, I do not think she would ever be a life partner, rather more of a responsibility. I also have no desire to have her very catholic inlaws live with me, much less support them.
Questions:
If I am not hell-yes about living with someone, should we not live together?
How can we avoid power imbalances when I make >10x her income and own my house (mortgage) while she owns almost no assets? (she uses my old phone/laptop)
How can we figure out how much rent she should pay, if any? (she cannot afford to pay half of the mortgage)
Do you have any suggestions for how best to deal with someone who gets overwhelmed and cries if you do not do what they want to do?
P.S. - Darling, if you see this, I love you!
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2022.01.19 04:47 Khatamer DeGroote School of business

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Anyone got a smoke?"
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2022.01.19 04:47 DisastrousMachine5 Man long ass day I was on 94 about to turn on Michigan and this played what y’all favorite songs from this era

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2022.01.19 04:47 sn0r EU Cohesion Policy: Commission launches €1 million call for projects for higher education institutions in journalism

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2022.01.19 04:47 kittymercadoo Advice for Dating a Persian Man from Tehran

I'm 22F from the USA and my partner is 25M from Tehran (only lived in western countries for about 3 years now), and we've been seeing each other for about 8 months.
For background information, we met in Italy, and he's going for PhD soon. In the past he was completing bachelor in Tehran where he was imprisoned and tortured for about two months for breaking religious rules at his university. I'll make this relevant a bit later in the post.
Things have been going relatively well, and the relationship got really intense really quickly. We told each other that we loved each other not very long into the relationship, but then he said that he doesn't want to say such things because we are both leaving the country to most likely live in different countries after the summer is over.
But then he still says things like 'jigar' and 'my love' to me. He introduces me to his close friends and family over facetime, and we're both ridiculously busy (we're both writing separate theses and working a lot) but we still make time for each other anyways. He's been incredibly sweet, affectionate, gentle, and caring with me, and when I really need something from him, he tries his best to provide. He came to spend Christmas with me, and that was really nice but right after he decided to remind me that we're parting ways soon and that I shouldn't get too attached!
So after some talking, he mentioned that being in a serious relationship, a probable long distance one at that, wouldn't work because of cultural differences and customs. E.g. he would expect me to meet his extended family fairly soon, and it would be a problem because I don't speak Farsi and because I'm American (and a fairly liberal one at that) that it would cause too much stress. He also said that because he's officially Muslim (he and his family aren't religious, it's something having to do with being Iranian that I haven't quite grasped) that we would run into a wall really soon because I'm not, and he expressed concerns that religious rules are too much of an obstacle because I'm not even Christian--I am Buddhist. To me, learning the language and customs is not a problem if that is the issue. However, I am having trouble grasping what is happening in the relationship sometimes.
Part of the problem is that my partner is extremely uncomfortable with talking about relationships and love. One moment he says that moving is not an issue because we will just visit each other, but then he is saying stuff like "when we part ways, I only want you to have good memories and to smile when you think of me" because he does not want to see where this goes. When I try to talk it out, he gets upset because I want to talk about the relationship instead of just letting things be as they are. He's opened up, little by little, and he expressed that he has quite a bit of trauma from being imprisoned and that I couldn't understand about him nor does he want me to.
When we first got together, it felt more evident because he was very guarded about how I touched him. Most forms of touch made him extremely uncomfortable or overwhelmed somehow, and over time it got better as he started trusting me more. Now we're very close, and I noticed that he generally does not feel comfortable with having a lot of people in his circle at all.
Basically, I love him very much. If certain changes need to be made on paper to pursue a relationship more freely, I will do it. If I need to learn the language in 6-12 months and get a private tutor, I will do it. If I need to be the one initiating visits at first to show him that I am serious, I am also willing to do that.
But I am also worried that I am wasting my time and embarrassing myself for a man who does not actually care about me. I don't know if I'm reading too deeply into things he does that I think are really nice (like making me a really good, elaborate stew at 2am) or if they're simply cultural ways of being polite. I am also, mainly, completely, 100% out of my depth regarding the religious, cultural and legal complications that he refers to sometimes, and I am so uneducated about how being imprisoned a couple of years ago would affect him today. I don't know if I'm being unsupportive, how to support him, or if I should listen when he's telling me that I should eventually walk away even though he doesn't really seem to mean it.
TL;DR: I'm confused about my relationship because his expectations seem to shift a LOT, and even when things are really good and he's leaning into the relationship, he tends to find a social, political, or cultural reason why it isn't going to work out in the end. But I'm also a pampered American and his experiences growing up in Iran are a little over my head.

Does anybody have any helpful advice that could guide me in a situation like this?
submitted by kittymercadoo to PERSIAN [link] [comments]


2022.01.19 04:47 JoLePerz CDisplayEX 1.2.72

App Name: CDisplayEX Comic Reader
Description: A light, efficient CBR Reader. It is able to read all comic book formats (.cbr file, .cbz, .pdf, etc..)
Playstore Link: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.progdigy.cdisplay&hl=en&gl=US
Mod Features: Paid
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2022.01.19 04:47 lynxerious this particular test crashes my website? how?

The slug string was generated from a title, this is a slug validation regex. It will freeze any website that runs it in the console panel. If I remove some word or the parentheses part, it will run fine. This blows my mind because I thought regex can't crash your code.
/^[a-zA-Z0-9]+(?:[-_a-zA-Z0-9]+)*$/g.test('tham-vong-cua-cong-ty-chung-khoan-mirae-asset-(masvn)')
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2022.01.19 04:47 _FellFallow_ Frost Ruler [ Fellfallow ]

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2022.01.19 04:47 Agima [100% OFF] AWS Certified Advanced Networking Specialty Practice Exams (4 days or 632 registrations left)

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2022.01.19 04:47 GabrielB04 Leyton

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2022.01.19 04:47 Usual-Conversation17 Im so mad today AAAAAAAAAAAA

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2022.01.19 04:47 Colonelbogey1 No spawn again

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2022.01.19 04:47 fluctuating_rating Looking for advice: Adenia spinosa leaves isn't coming out fully green. I'm happy that its caudex is fattening, but the leaves has never looked evergreen since acquisition last September 2021 (last pic)

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2022.01.19 04:47 Venexi69 My Parents Cat Really Likes Their New Fire

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2022.01.19 04:47 shvak1702 Articles about Zunami Protocol ник#0581

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2022.01.19 04:47 HatCurve Just accepted an internship offer for the summer, will they check my transcript?

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Should I be worried?
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